If I Ever
by LittleXDhampir
Summary: This is my version of Richelle Mead's next Vampire Academy book, Blood Promise. Rose goes to hunt Dimiri and meets another rougue Guardian along the way. She knows she needs to find Dimitri and put his soul to rest, but what if she isn't strong enough?
1. A Deal With God

**A/N: This is my first fanfic. It's something I started writing for myself while I'm still jonesing for the next book. I thought I might as well put it out there to see what others thought about it. **

**(Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy. That's Richelle Mead's genius. I do, however, own Miles! I don't own the song either, "Running up that Hill (A Deal With God)", that's all Kate Bush's beauty.)**

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_Chapter One: "A Deal With God"_

_"And if I only could,  
I'd make a deal with God,  
And I'd get Him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building,  
If I only could, Oh. . ._

_You don't want to hurt me,  
But see how deep the bullet lies,  
Unaware, I'm tearing you asunder,.  
__Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts . . ."_

Another car—a black Toyota—zoomed by me. I dropped my arm and flipped the driver off. Did I really look _that_menacing? Probably. I tried to wipe the scowl of my face, but it was just as stubborn as I was. It made me wonder if my face would be stuck this way permanently. I placed a hand on my stomach and grimaced. My stomach had been churning since I left the wards at the Academy. Strigoi were near and the last blankets of sunlight were disappearing behind the trees. I needed to get a ride to Missoula before the sun could go down completely because, then, I wouldn't be safe. I would die before I could get a chance to fulfill my purpose for leaving.

It was stupid for me to have left and, for a moment, I regretted my decision—maybe I _could_ be happy with Adrian. I hurt Lissa so much, but I had to do it. I had to save him.

Him. . .

Dimitri. . .

My life. . .

Everything was beginning to fall into place for us. Finally, we were going to make it work. The thought of how close I had come to my perfect happiness sent a pang of sorrow through my already sore body. I still couldn't believe it—Dimitri; a strigoi.

Strigoi—they were getting closer lurking in the shadows for the last tendrils of sunlight to recede. They were waiting for their chance to attack me, the lonely, defenseless dhampir. They didn't realize how far from 'defenseless' I really was.

The roar of an engine sounded behind me. I stuck my arm out. This was my last chance to get away before the strigoi advanced upon me. I could hear them in the shadows of the woods calling out to me. The car was coming up fast. _Please, please stop, please . . ._ I thought. The car whirled passed me kicking up leaves. _Shit!_ And as if I had said it out loud, the car came to a screeching halt. The white reverse lights pulsed brightly as the car backed towards me. The driver reached over the passenger seat and threw the door open. The guy was attractive. His chestnut hair hung in his eyes that were a deeper shade of brown. His lower lip was pierced and the sleeves of his black sweater were pushed up revealing tattooed sleeves on his arms. He looked about twenty.

"Get in. There's not much time," he barked. I jumped, not realizing I had been gaping at him. I slammed the door closed and he sped off. I looked at the speedometer—100. _Good God_, I thought.

"Umm . . . thanks for the ride," I said politely.

"What the fuck were you doing out there by yourself?" he asked loudly. I gaped at him again.

"Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?"

"I don't think it's any of your business," I replied coldly. Who did he think he was yelling at me about running away? He didn't know anything about me. "And I am capable of taking care of myself."

"If I hadn't realized who you were, you'd have been a snack for the strigoi," he said.

"What?"

"I saw the _Molnija_ marks on the back of your neck when I looked at you through my rearview mirror. You're a Guardian and a good one, I'd wager, but you don't have a promise mark so that means you are still a novice. No, real, Guardian would go out at sundown alone with that many strigoi hanging around," he replied. He was arrogant and reminded me of Christian.

"Are you a Guardian?"

"Not anymore."

"Why not?" I was curious.

"My Moiroi was turned. I hunted her and haven't looked back since."

I looked at the back of his neck and was shocked. His neck was covered with _Molnija_ marks and other symbols and the tattoos continued down his back beneath his shirt. I looked at him in amazement. How was making that many kills even possible? I thought my numbers were pretty bad ass.

"How many?" I didn't need to tell him what I meant.

"750 _Molnija_ marks and there are 20 marks representing mass killings by a group of Guardians."

"How far do they go down?"

"Between my shoulders."

"That's amazing," I whispered awestruck.

"Far from it," was all he replied.

My business at the bank went quickly which I was thankful for. I wanted to get this over with. The sooner I could find Dimitri, the sooner I could. . . I didn't even know what I would do after I killed him. I didn't even know if I could best him. I had to try.

The guy that picked me up refused to leave once we got to the bank.

"Are you nuts?" He was practically yelling at me.

_Yes._

"Of course not," I replied.

"Look, I don't know why you left, but I've been following that group of strigoi and they have an eye on you for some reason," he warned. "I won't leave a girl on her own."

"What?" I yelled. "I'm a Guardian. I've killed a saw people I loved get killed. I can handle this myself!"

"I'm still not leaving," he retorted.

I paced around the hotel room trying to plan my next move. The room was large and there were two rooms—a large bedroom with a king sized bed and a living room area with a large sectional sofa, a bar, and a plasma TV. The bathroom had a large ten person Jacuzzi tub and large shower. "Whatever his name was" watched TV and was drinking from a bottle of Jagermeister. I scoffed; he looked just like Adrian and drank like him too. Hmm . . . . What was his name anyway? It just occurred to me that I hadn't bothered to ask and he hadn't bothered to tell me. I stopped my pacing.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Miles."

"I'm Rose," I said, resuming my pacing.

"Miles?" I was in a curious mood tonight.

"Yes, Rose?"

"Why'd you hunt your Moiroi?" I stopped pacing again, hoping I had not offended him by asking such a personal question.

"Because she was turned," he replied.

"But why not just get a new assignment?"

"I didn't want a new one. I--" he paused a moment. "I loved her."

"Oh."

"Now, it's my turn," he said. "Why'd you leave St. Vladimir's?"

"My mentor was turned," my voice cracked.

"Just you mentor?"

"No, more than that . . . much, much more." We stood in silence for a moment before saying goodnight and going to bed. I slept in the bedroom while Miles had the sofa.

"Miles?" I called to him.

"You're not going to talk all night, Rose, are you?" God, he was just like Christian and had Adrian's drinking habits. Great.

"No. How'd you move on after killing her? How'd you get better?"

"I didn't."


	2. So I Thought

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update-- internet was down. I want to give a shout out to my lil sis Sonja. You are a SUPER bad ass God and you love MASON!!!!**

**(Disclaimer: I don't ow this; only MILES! The song is "So I Thought" by Flyleaf.)**

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"_So I Thought"_

_A year goes by_

_And I can't talk about it_

_On my knees_

_Dim lighted room_

_Thoughts free flow try to consume_

_Myself in this_

_I'm not faithless_

_Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose_

_Ignorance is bliss cherish it_

_Pretty neighborhoods_

_You learn too much to hold_

_Believe it not_

_And fight the tears_

_With pretty smiles and lies_

_About the times_

_A year goes by_

_And I can't talk about it_

As the darkness of sleep enveloped me, I felt the all too familiar pull of Adrian's dream walking. I was in his grandmother's garden again, this time lounging on a large, cushioned porch swing. I looked down at my body to see what he put me in—cut-off jean shorts and a black bikini top. Typical Adrian. Usually, these dreams annoyed the hell out of me, but—swinging back and forth—I welcomed the distraction from my current troubles. Besides, I wanted to see how Lissa was holding up.

I sighed. "Little Dhampir, why so glum?" he asked, coming to lay beside me.

"Do I really need to answer that?"

"No," his tone was melancholy.

"How's Lissa doing?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"She's still devastated," he replied, shifting his body closer to mine and wrapping his arms around me, hugging me close to his body. I didn't shy away from his touch like I so often did—partly because I was deeply in his debt for the money he lent me and, more importantly, I needed the comfort. "But she'll be fine. Christian is taking perfect care of her. She asked Eddie to be her Guardian and he accepted."

"That's a good thing. I know Eddie will protect her. He's a good match for her," I whispered. "She thinks I love him more than her."

"Who? Eddie?"

"No, idiot," I replied. "Dimitri."

"I know, Rose," he said. "She was upset. She didn't mean any of it. She would've said anything to get you to stay."

I laid there in silence, snuggling against his chest. He squeezed me tightly. My heart thumped a second quicker. It wasn't the same laborious speed that left me breathless when I was with Dimitri, but it was welcome and comforting none-the-less. He kissed my forehead.

"Little Dhampir," he said softly, lovingly, "what's going on with you?"

"Nothing, yet," I replied. "Yours and Christian's love child is stalking me."

"What?"

"This guy that picked me up. His name is Miles. He's as annoying as Christian and has your drinking habits. If you and Christian had a baby, I imagine he'd be like Miles," I started. We laid there for a long time. I told Adrian about Miles and his epic number of kills. Adrian was amazed. He told me about the school and the rumors going around regarding my absence.

"Some are hitting the mark," he said. "Yours and Dimitri's love is the tragic romance—but others are not so kind. Jesse and Ralf are spreading it around that you went to be a blood whore or, that you left to become a strigoi."

"They are still assholes," I scowled. My body convulsed. "What the _hell_?"

"You're waking up," Adrian said disappointed. "He must be shaking you."

"Adrian, tell Lissa and them that I love them and not to worry about me," I said hurriedly. I could feel myself waking.

"Little Dhampir, I love you." He kissed my lips lightly and I was back in the hotel.

"What the _fuck,_ Miles?" I yelled. I sat up rubbing my eyes groggily. I looked at the clock—2:30 in the afternoon. I groaned. Why did he wake me up?

"There's someone here to see you," he said, glancing over his shoulder into the next room. I rolled, angrily, out of bed and, grabbing my stake, went to the living room. Miles was at my heels following me. "I don't think you'll need that. She's not a strigoi."

"She?" I walked into the room where Janine Hathaway paced its length. "Mom?"

"Rose! Thank God, I found you," she said relieved. She stopped pacing and looked from me to Miles. I noticed he didn't have a shirt on—his chest was tanned and well toned. I could imagine what must have been going through my mom's head right now. "You need to come back to the academy, right now," she ordered.

"No, I don't. How'd you find me exactly? I thought you were in Europe?"

"I was delayed. I was about to board the plane when Headmistress Kirova called me. I went back to the academy and followed you. It was easy since I'm more experienced when it comes to tracking than you are," she said. "It was harder when he picked you up. He knew I was trailing you." She shot a penetrating glare at Miles and I thought she could kill him with it.

"I, obviously, hadn't done as good a job as I thought," Miles added, his voice dripping with acid. He glared at my mother.

"What in God's name are you doing with _him_, Rose?" she asked, chastising.

"Uh, what?"

"Why are you in a hotel room with Miles _Olsen_? His reputation is about as bad as Adrian Ivashkov's if not worse!"

"Mom, are you serious?" I asked. "Are you really that dense? I'm not sleeping with him, if that's what you're worried about. He's helping me find Dimitri."

"Rose," she sighed, "Dimitri is dead." For a moment, regret and sorrow flashed in her eyes. My mom was one of the ones who figured out that my relationship with Dimitri surpassed that of a normal teacher/student relationship. She looked both disappointed and sympathetic.

"No, mom, but he will be. I think you should go. Miles and I have a long night ahead of us."

"Do you really expect me to leave you here?" she asked. "If Dimitri were alive, he would not want you hanging around with this trash."

I ignored her jab at Miles. "I expect you to trust my judgment on this. As long as Dimitri is out there, he's a threat to me and Lissa. If I was guarding Lissa and he attacked her . . ." I couldn't finish. The words caught in my throat. If I hesitated, it could cost Lissa her life. I needed to find him while I had nothing to lose.

"Fine," she said coldly, "just promise me that you won't block out Ivashkov. I want you to check in with him . . . just to make sure you are safe."

I nodded. I didn't intend on blocking him out. Honestly, the thought had not occurred to me. I'd been to focused with trying to keep my head from splitting open—between getting sucked into Lissa's head and the constant ghost induced migraine—the pain was enough to kill me.

"What are we going to do?" Miles asked, once my mother left. He sat on the sofa and ran a hand through his hair.

"We need to figure out where he went." Then, the thought occurred to me. Andre. "Andre!" I called out. Miles looked at me like I was psychotic. Maybe I was. "Andre!"

I waited and was not disappointed. Andre's pale form flickered into view. He wore the same sad expression Mason had, but there was a glimmer of happiness to see me in his eyes. "Andre, I'm so happy to see you," I greeted him.

He smiled.

"Who are you talking too?" Miles asked disturbed.

"It's a long story," I told him. "Can you help me, Andre?"

He shrugged.

"Do you know where Dimitri is?"

He shook his head. _Damn._

"Is he with the Strigoi that attacked the school?"

He shook his head again.

"Rose, you are freaking me out."

"What about the blonde? The one that wanted Lissa?" Andre's face darkened with fury. He, slowly, nodded. I ran to the bedroom and grabbed my black backpack. I pulled out a map I had snatched from one of the Guardian watch posts and spread it on the coffee table. "Can you show me where he is?"

Andre leaned over the map, his finger hovering over a small town outside of Missoula. "Are you sure of it?" He nodded. "You're the best, Andre." I showed Miles the spot on the map where Andre had pointed.

"Rose," he began, "before we leave, who is Andre?" I sighed and I explained to him that I was shadow kissed and told him the side effects of being connected to the dead (ghost talking and strigoi nausea). He listened attentively and nodded often, his brow creased in thought. _He probably thinks I'm 'one flew over the coo-coo's nest'_, I thought. I circled the town on the map with a red marker and shoved the map back in my bag. I went to the bathroom and pulled on some clean clothes. _Mental note: buy new clothes._ I'd never make it with only two pairs of clothes—they were bound to get dirty and tearing was a possibility. I put my stake in the holder on my belt and the bag on my back.

"Ready?" Miles asked, when I came out of the bedroom. I nodded, looking at the spot where Andre sat.

"Are you coming?" I asked him, pleased when he nodded. Miles, Andre, and I set out for the short drive to the next town.

The large, white stucco house was in a rich neighborhood and well kept. I scoffed; even the grass was perfectly edged. Miles parked the car across the street in front of a red brick house. Andre laid across the back seat; his expression was troubled. I didn't need to ask why—my stomach was doing flips and constricting to the point where I thought I might vomit. I clutched my middle.

"That many, huh?" Miles asked.

"I feel like my stomach's been tied in a knot," I groaned. "Andre, do you know how many there are?"

_Twenty_, he mouthed. "Twenty," I informed Miles. "Ready to go play with the strigoi?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he said beaming.

"Don't kill them all," I instructed. "One of them has to know where Dimitri went."

Miles kicked down the large oak door and we ran in. The first room was empty, but it didn't remain that way. The strigoi were aware of our presence and came bounding down the stairs. Miles rushed toward them swinging his stake and dropping three in a matter of seconds. I went to the side of the staircase and jumped grabbing onto the banister. I pulled myself over the rail and staked the strigoi coming at me. Three more came next and they went down so easily I was disappointed. Andre floated to the top of the staircase and went down the hall. I followed him into a large windowless room.

Five strigoi raced at me brandishing knives and I danced out of their reach. I staked the first two, but the other three were harder to dispatch. A tall, burly strigoi swung his blade at me and it cut across my stomach. Blood started dripping from my wound and the strigoi, catching the scent of my blood, faltered. I drove my stake into his heart and he fell. The next two were not going to be distracted by my blood. I punched the shorter of the two and he stumbled. The other strigoi grabbed me and I wiggled out of his grip and shoved my stake into his gut. He screamed and I drove my stake into his heart. The shorter strigoi came at me again and struck him down. That left three of us in the room—me, Andre, and the blonde strigoi with the scar across his face where my stake had scratched his skin.

"He's not here," he said, grinning smugly.

"I knew that already," I said, coldly.

He must have found something to be funny because he started laughing. "Right, then to what do I owe the pleasure of the mighty Rose Hathaway's appearance? Perhaps you would like to know where you can find your love?"

I glared at him coldly.

"No?" he asked, feigning surprise. "He's quite the disappointment. We had hoped he would awaken you himself, but things don't always go according to plan."

"Guess I'll just have to settle for killing you, then," I said coldly. I launched myself at him. I thrust my stake out, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the wall. My head it the wall hard and black spots danced across my vision. I gingerly placed a hand on the back of my head—my hair was sticky with blood. The blonde laughed hungrily. I waited for him to attack, but he didn't. I held my blood covered hand in front of me and watched his eyes linger on the blood dripping onto the hardwood floor. It was obvious he hadn't feed recently. I smiled inwardly.

I took my hand and, watching the strigoi's face, smeared the blood on the white wall behind me. I wiped my hand across the wound on my stomach and repeated the action. The scent of my blood was so heavy I thought he would start lapping the air. It was driving him crazy. Next, I took my stake and ran it across my palm. A few beads of blood was all it took for the strigoi to run at me. I kcked him in the stomach, knocking him to the floor. I straddled him pinning his shoulders down with my knees. I hit him again. And again. And again.

His face was covered with his blood.

"Where's Dimitri?" I asked, not recognizing my voice. It was cold and detached.

"The Higher-up's took him back to Siberia," he gasped. "They have plans for you and him. You won't be able to save him. You will die."

"I'm already dead," I whispered, driving the stake into his chest and twisting it. I went downstairs. Miles had two strigoi tied up in the corner. "Kill them," I ordered, "I found what I needed."


	3. Walk With Me

**A/N: Here it is the third chapter! I hope you enjoy it.  
(Disclaimer: You know the deal; I only own Miles! Isn't he awesome? I think so. The song is "Walk With Me" by Bedlight for Blue Eyes. I chose this song because it reminds me of Adrian's feelings for his "Little Dhampir", especially the protion i've included in the epigraph. It is a beautiful song. :) )**

_"Walk With Me"_

_She walked down the hallway and through the door  
To find the light is waiting there  
And its more than I can bare to look away  
And I just smile it's all I need to say  
To make her see that it's moments just like these  
That I need_

My mouth forfeits my words  
She may not be mine but I'm all hers

Will you walk with me  
Cause I can't see  
Just where I'm meant to be  
Replay the scene over and over  
And never change a thing  
Ohh will you walk with me

Back at the hotel, I retreated to the shower. I sat on the shower floor and hugged my knees as the water washed away the caked blood. I started crying before I could stop myself. Death—it surrounded me like a cloud pushing on my body until it constricted my movements, and laughed at my powerlessness against it. I was his toy. I couldn't escape it. It wouldn't matter where I ran to; Death would always find me and take the ones I loved the most. Mason. Dimitri. Who was next? Lissa? Christian? Adrian? Eddie? Miles? I shuddered. I waited for the water to turn cold before getting out and wrapping a robe around my body. When I came out of the bathroom, Miles was sitting on the bed. He looked pissed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"We have another visitor."

_You've got to be getting me!_ Who was it this time? I hugged the robe tightly around me.

"Little Dhampir!" he yelled. He scooped me up into his arms before I had even seen him.

"Adrian," I said surprised, "how'd you find me?"

"Your mom, Rose."

I groaned.

"Don't be so happy to see me. Hey, what are you wearing under that robe?" he asked, grinning wickedly. He moved his eyes up and down my body. Miles stepped toward him, obviously noticing Adrian's blatant lust for my body. _Way to be subtle, Adrian_, I thought. I grabbed his arm before he could pommel Adrian into a bloody, Moiroi pulp or feed him to any strigoi that we might run into. "Let him go, Rose," Adrian protested. There was the slightest hint of a challenge in his voice directed at Miles.

"You think you can take me?" Miles scoffed. I tightened my grip on his arm and rolled my eyes.

"Adrian, you have to go back," I ordered.

"Why?" He could be so dense.

"It's too dangerous. I can't be worried about protecting you," I replied annoyed.

"Rose, I can help," he protested.

"What could _you_ possibly do?" Miles scowled. "You're a Moiroi—all you'd be able to do is be a snack for the strigoi. How could possibly _help_ us?"

"I don't think it's just strigoi that Rose needs protecting from. I know all about you, Olsen," Adrian spat.

Miles shook it off. "Rose, go get dressed." When did he take to ordering me around? "I have a small surprise for you." His scowled softened into a smile.

"Where are we going?" I asked, getting into the car. Adrian stayed at the hotel.

"I'm taking you to get your Molnija marks done. Wouldn't want you to lose count," he chuckled. "Who knows, maybe, you'll catch up to me."

"I doubt it. You have like a million!" We both laughed. I appreciated the gesture and the opportunity to take it easy and joke with someone who didn't think I was crazy. I studied Miles out of the corner of my eye. He was very attractive—I hadn't taken the time to really notice _how_ attractive he was. The sun, shining brightly through the open window, made his hair look golden and the wind whipped his hair into disarray. And his eyes—the "Bad Ass Guardian Maturity" they held was just a mask to hide his vulnerability—of what, I didn't know. Maybe, he still felt guilty for his Moiroi being turned like I had felt when Mason was killed. Even though I didn't blame myself for his death anymore, the guilt was still as strong has it had been after it happened. The constant wondering—what if I did this instead of doing that—never ceased. I'm sure he must still be dealing with that.

Life would be easy with him, I realized. We were two bad ass rogue Guardians and we wouldn't have to worry about protecting some Moiroi. We would have each other and we would be unstoppable. We could start and stop hunting strigoi as we pleased. I wouldn't need to worry about Lissa. Eddie was so kick ass at protecting her. She wouldn't need me.

The tattooing process wasn't as painful as it was the first time. I knew what to expect and I had Miles's hand to squeeze when the needle hit a sensitive area. My total of Molnija marks was eight, not counting my star. Miles got fourteen marks done bringing his total to, what seemed like, a million. After we got our tattoos done, Miles and I went the mall so I could buy some new clothes. It was nice to be able to hang out with Miles. He was so sweet, which is something else I hadn't noticed.

"Miles?" I asked, kicking back into curious mode.

"Yeah, Rose."

"How bad is your reputation exactly?" I asked. "You are so nice; I guess I just don't get it."

"When I was at the Academy in California, I was much like Ivashkov when it came to girls—maybe worse. Moiroi or Dhampirs. Teachers or Guardians. I didn't discriminate. I was in it for the conquest. You're looking at me like I've got a third eye," he laughed. It was a beautiful laugh.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be. I'm a guy, Rose. I'm no knight, but then I met Crystal when I got assigned to her at graduation. I had never noticed her before. She was beautiful and smart, but not a girl I would have been with while I was at the Academy. We ended up falling head over heels for each other and we were going to shock society by getting married. Her parents hated me.

"But one night, we were coming back from one of those parties the Royals love to throw and we were ambushed. There had to be at least thirty of them if not more. They got my partner first—he didn't even have time to pull his stake out. They were too quick and well organized. Two of the strigoi grabbed her and started dragging her away. I was cutting down strigoi left and right, but I wasn't fast enough. They both bit into her. I tried to stop them before they could change her, but more came and grabbed me.

"They made me _watch_, Rose. Do you have any idea what's that is like? I had to watch the light leave her eyes," his voice cracked. I placed a hand, comfortingly, on his back as the tears brimmed over his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," I consoled. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No," he said, "I want to. After they turned her, they left me and took her away. I don't know why, but they left me there. I hunted them and killed every single one of those bastards. I killed her too. It's not easy, Rose. It's not something that anyone can be prepared to do, no matter how many strigoi they have killed."

I nodded, picking up on his implied warning. I would _never_ be ready to face Dimitri. I wanted to comfort him, but my voice wouldn't work so I hugged him tightly.

"I don't trust him," Adrian warned. I was stuck in another one of Adrian's dreams. This time, we were in a cabin on the beach. I winced and fought back tears.

"Can we please change the scenery?" I couldn't be in here. Adrian looked confused, but he figured out what was wrong. After all, how many times had I dreamt of that night only to have Adrian pop in? I lost count. He had such impeccable timing.

"Little Dhampir, I'm _so_ sorry," he apologized, as the cabin melted away and we stood in on the beach. I nodded and sat in the sand. The sun beat down warming my skin. I loved the sun so much. It was one of those things I would never take for granted. He sat beside me and kissed my cheek. "Adrian," I started.

He put a space between us. "Rose, I get it—you wanting to be the hero and putting Dimitri's soul to rest, but can't you and I do it? We can go while Miles is asleep. He's no good, Rose. You shouldn't trust him."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." I started to speak, but Adrian cut me off. "It's his dreams. They're unstable. I can't get in. It's almost like he's blocking me out intentionally."

"Adrian, you're being paranoid," I laughed. My body began twitching. Why couldn't anyone just let me sleep? "Time to go."

"Doesn't he know you need to sleep?" Adrian asked disapprovingly.

"Don't you?" I quipped, before waking.

Miles hovered over me with a beaming smile on his face. He pushed back the hair from my face with a gentle sweep of his hand. I sat up and looked at him curiously. There was a banging on the door and knob was being jingled violently. Miles laughed lightly to himself.

"What do you want, Miles?"

"I just wanted to. . ." he didn't finish what he was saying. Instead, he pressed his lips against mine. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that."

More banging.

"I think I have an idea."

"He's annoying, isn't he?"

Miles and I laughed. He placed his hand on the side of my face and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. He kissed me again. His tongue brushed my lips begging for entrance. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it, but my mouth opened anyway. He wrapped his arms around me and I fell back onto the pillows. He bit and tugged on my lower lip and sighed. He pulled away kissing my lips lightly. He smiled.

"I haven't done that in a long time," he whispered. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

Was I the only girl in the Northern United States? I shook my head.

"You never told me your story," he whispered.

"There's not much to tell. I was in love with my mentor, Dimitri, who was seven years, my senior. We tried to ignore our feelings toward each other, but he figured out a way for us to be together. Then, the strigoi attacked St. Vladimir's and everything was going fine, but some strigoi ambushed the group he was with before they could make it out of the cave. One of the strigoi caught him by surprise and took him down. I saw him get bit, but I didn't have to watch him becoming a monster." Describing Dimitri as a monster made my heart hurt more than it already was.

"I wish that was one thing we didn't have in common," he said solemnly. He kissed my cheek and left to go back to bed. Adrian must have gone back to bed. I had a feeling I would be getting a lecture from him. But, when I fell asleep, there were only my own dreams.

The plane was cold and the same crappy romance movie kept playing. I pulled the book I bought yesterday at the mall out of my bag and flipped it open. It was a western novel by Louis L'Amour. It reminded me of him—I had always been a bit of a masochist. I put the book down and looked out the window, my eyes stinging with tears. Adrian placed a comforting hand on my leg. He made sure he sat beside me, leaving Miles on the opposite side of the plane. Adrian insisted we fly first class—it didn't matter to me.

"Don't worry, Little Dhampir," he consoled. "We'll find him. I bet Belikov is alright. He'd never let anyone take him from you. He's okay."

"Thanks, Adrian. I'm sorry about last night. I haven't forgotten about our deal."

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it," he said smiling. "I'll enjoy the competition. It'll enjoy the competition. It'll keep me on my toes."

I laughed as he wiped the tears from my cheek.


	4. I Will See You In Far Off Places

**A/N: Here is the 4th Chapter. As an added little bonus, I posted a link to the soundtrack I made to go with my fan fiction. I will update it as I update this story. You might have to copy and paste the link into your browser. These songs are amazing so I encourage you all to check them out. The 1st song is "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly. That song goes with the title of the story (If I Ever) which is a shortened version of that title. The rest of the songs go with the chapter titles and the epigraphs in each chapter.**

(Disclaimer: I only own Miles. The song is called "I Will See You IN Far Off Places" by Morrissey.)  
ENJOY!!

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"_I will see you in far off places"_

_The heart knows why I grieve  
__And yes one day I will close my eyes forever  
__But I will see you  
__  
I will see you in far off places  
__It's so easy for us to sit together  
__But it's so hard for our hearts to combine  
__And why?  
__And why?  
__Why? Why? Why? Why?_

_Destiny for some is to save lives  
__But destiny for some is to end lives  
__But there is no end  
__And I will see you in far off places_

Siberia was everything I hadn't expected it to be. Just like he said. I closed my eyes remembering that night (human daytime) when Dimitri caught me outside the dorms past curfew. We were talking about Siberia.

"I don't think Siberia's exactly what you imagine," he said.

"I imagine it as an arctic wasteland."

"Then it's definitely not what you imagine."

I knew what my duties were. Protect Lissa. Kill strigoi. It was that plain and simple. Then, Dimitri challenged that belief after all that had happened with Mason and the ghosts. "Sometimes, you need to know when to put yourself first, Rose," he told me. And I had done that even though it hurt Lissa. I had done it.

The look on Lissa's face when I left was burned into my memory. I couldn't help but feel a little angry with her. How could she think that someone could replace her? She was my only best friend and no one could replace the bond that we shared, but Dimitri offered me something she couldn't—the chance to be _in love_. Lissa had that and she didn't need to worry about putting someone before her. She wasn't raised to risk her life for someone else.

I collapsed on the bed in the hotel room. Adrian and Miles were in the front room fighting over the TV remote, bottles of Jager in each of their hands. Neither would leave me in my own hotel room for fear of the other sneaking in to see me. Their competition for my affection was amusing at first, but now it was working on my last nerve. I shut my eyes and let myself slip into Lissa's head.

"I can't believe he left without us!" she yelled. Christian and Eddie watched her as she paced in front of them. They both looked worried. "I could strangle him!"

"Lissa," Christian said, wrapping his arms around her to cease her movement. "Take a breath and relax. Adrian just wants to keep you safe and bring Rose back to you safe and sound."

She sighed, exasperated.

"He's right, Lissa," Eddie added. "Rose wants you to stay safe and leaving the Academy would be a very _unsafe_ thing to do. Adrian and Rose will be fine."

"I know. I'm just worried about her."

I pulled out of Lissa's head feeling guilty about leaving her. I made a pact with myself, at that point, to return to her. I would kill Dimitri and be done with it. I would guard Lissa and I would move on.

I yawned and shut my eyes. I felt Adrian's familiar pull on my consciousness and I forced my eyes open. I wasn't having any of it. I stormed out of my room and into the living room where Adrian and Miles were sleeping. I flipped on the light and Miles groaned. He threw his arms over his eyes. I walked over to where Adrian laid still passed out cold. I nudged him with my foot. His eyes flew open and he looked at me quizzically.

"Little Dhampir—"

"Now, you listen to me and listen good. I want to _sleep_. I am exhausted and the last thing I need is _you _in my head, Ivashkov!" I yelled. Miles started laughing. "And as for you," I threatened. Miles shut up abruptly and blushed. "You need to stop waking me up to keep Adrian out of my head. The two of you need to work out your issues among yourselves. Am I clear?" They mumbled yeses and I went back to bed.

Not a second later, I was pulled into Lissa's head. _Why can't I be left alone for _one _minute?_ Lissa was furious and yelling at someone—Jesse Zelkos and his dimwitted counterpart, Ralf Sarcozy. Christian and Eddie had hold of her arms and Jesse and Ralf both looked smug. There was no doubt in my mind that Jesse had sought to get some sort of revenge against Lissa for the whole compulsion-induced-spider incident when Jesse tried to force her to use compulsion.

"She's a blood whore," he taunted, "and that's all she will ever be. You know what, Ralf?"

"No, Jesse, what would that be?" Ralf asked, feigning curiosity.

"I think Vasilissa is jealous that Rose isn't _her _blood whore anymore. Rose has moved on to bigger and better things with more benefits like Ivashkov." That was it; he had done it. Her anger for the despicable things Jesse accused me of and her previous anger toward Adrian for leaving her behind combined. _Would I have to compete with Adrian now?_ She thought. Lissa yanked her arms out of Christian's and Eddie's grasps and launched herself at Jesse. Her fury burned and, as her slender fingers wrapped themselves around Jesse's stupid neck, I reached out through the bond to take her anger away. Her hatred, strong and pure, consumed me. I lost all sense of who I was. I had one thought on my mind and it was strong enough to make me forget about my mission. Jesse Zelkos had to be punished. Just like he had to be punished for forcing her to use compulsion.

They all had to be punished, but Zelkos was out of my reach. He was safe at the Academy . . .

But Adrian wasn't.

My eyes snapped open. I was fuming. Adrian was supposed to have been her friend. How could he leave without saying anything to her? He abandoned her. He wouldn't even come into her dreams when she called him. He was trying to avoid her. Why? I threw the blankets off my body and went into the next room. I didn't bother with the light. I marched over to Adrian's sleeping form and in one swift motion I punched him.

"_What the fuck!_" he yelled. Miles woke and flipped on the light. His eyes widened with shock as he took in the site. I was straddling Adrian's body, my fist pulled back. Blood covered my hand and Adrian's face. He ran to me and pulled me off of Adrian. I swung at Miles needing to hit _something_ and pissed that he was trying to stop me. He dodged my swing and attempted to grab my arms. Adrian came at me from behind me. I shrugged him off easily. Stupid Moiroi. I spun on my heels and went after Adrian again. "Rose? Rose! What's wrong? What did I do?" he asked desperately.

"You _left_ her! She needed you to help her use spirit and you abandoned her!" I knocked him to the floor. Miles grabbed my shoulders and pulled me off before my fist could meet its target. He was strong and I struggled against his grip. They kept trying to calm me down, but didn't they understand? There would be no calming me down. Only Dimitri was able to soothe the fury that I took from Lissa.

Miles was pulling me to the bedroom; Adrian followed behind him. I kept screaming for him to let me go. I needed to punish them. They both exchanged confused looks as they held onto me tightly. Thoughts of the cabin flashed into my mind and the anger gave way to grief.

My head pounded and my body throbbed when I woke the next morning. Adrian and Miles were sprawled across the bed on either side of me. _What the hell?_ I crawled out from between them and to the foot of the bed. I hand wrapped around my ankle. I looked back. Miles was looking at me intently as if trying to assess whether or not I was a danger. I looked at Adrian—his face was bruised. _Oh, shit._ That's why Miles was looking at me like he was afraid I would strangle something. I did that to Adrian's face. I remembered now.

"I just want a shower," I whispered.

He looked at me for another second and nodded. He let me go and I went to the bathroom. Adrian and Miles were watching TV when I came out of the bathroom. I opened my mouth to apologize about last night, but Adrian cut me off. "She pulled you into her head last night, didn't she?"

I nodded.

"She's mad at me." It wasn't a question.

I nodded again.

"And you took it from her."

I nodded a third time.

"Rose," Miles spoke up, "I don't understand."

"I can take Lissa's anger away from her," I explained. "It's a side effect of the bond."

"Unfortunately, Lissa needs anger management classes," Adrian added.

"Okay, but you said _they _had to be punished. Who needed to be punished?" Miles asked.

"Well, Lissa was angry with Adrian earlier for leaving her behind, but it wasn't a big issue. When I got pulled into her head, Jesse Zelkos and Ralf Sarcozy accused me of being a blood whore. They said Lissa was jealous because I wasn't her blood whore anymore and I that I was Adrian's now. Adrian just happened to be easier to get to then Zelkos. I'm sorry about that Adrian."

"No skin off my nose, Little Dhampir," he said, hugging me.

"I got breakfast," Miles said, handing me a box of donuts and throwing a black duffle bag at Adrian. Adrian looked at his confused. "I swiped some packs of blood from the hospital a few blocks away. You didn't think I'd let you seek your teeth into me did you?"

Adrian grimaced. "I'd starve first."

"I wouldn't mind."

"Are you serious?" I asked, eating my donuts. Miles smiled.

"Rose, while I was out I came across some good news," he said. My ears perked up and I shoved the rest of the pastry into my mouth. "I'd thought I would patrol a few tunnels nearby and it looked like a strigoi nest. Maybe Andre could tell us if he is with them."

I nodded and called for Andre. When he appeared, I bombarded him with questions.

"Is he with them?"

He shook his head.

"Is there someone that knows where he is?"

He looked at Miles and nodded. His features were hard as he glared at Miles. I shrugged it off as him being protective.

"Do you know where we can find him?"

He didn't reply.

"Andre?"

_Don't go_, he mouthed.

"That's not an option, Andre."

He looked sad. He moved his hand over the map Miles had swiped from the hotel's gift shop. I circled the spot he indicated and we set out to find the strigoi that would lead us to Dimitri.

* * *

**A/N: On my profile is also a poem, "This Room and Everything in It", by Li-Young Lee. It reminded me of Dimitri.**


	5. The Diary

**A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter to you. I was working feverishly at it when I could manage to get the few seconds of free time. I got 2 research papers, a test to study for, a novel to read, and a novel I'm writing, plus I'm writing pieces for contest. College sucks; I don't recommend it. :( I hope to have the next chapter up soon. . . so keep your fingers crossed. And as promised, the playlist for my story has been updated with the new song.  
**

**(Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, just Miles, Lane, Blaize, and Helen. The song is "The Diary" by Hollywood Undead (it is one of the most amazing beautifully honest songs I've ever heard. You should check it out.))  
**

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"_The Diary"_

_I pour this out for you  
Like a partner in crime  
It's part of the times  
When you're sick in the mind  
Yeah I'm sick, oh so sick  
I'm so sick of this shit  
Yeah I'm lit, oh so lit  
I'm so fucked up off it  
So I stumble around  
Till I stumble fall down  
To this puddle of my tears  
Layin' here on the ground_

When you've got nothing left  
You've got nothing left to lose  
With my last left single breath  
I'll still be singing to you  
So when you bury me man  
You better bury me deep  
And sing along to this song  
Because you're broken like me.

We followed the strigoi from the tunnels to a small, gray stucco house on the edges of a small city. Her red hair looked like a wave of fire down her back. She would have been a beautiful Moiroi if it wasn't for her soul-sucking ways. Miles snuck up behind her, catching her by surprise. He staked her quickly and we made our way up the twisting drive way. I clutched my middle. _How many_? I mouthed to Andre.

_Six_, he mouthed back. _Don't go._

Miles, Adrian, and I walked around to the back of the house. I wasn't comfortable having Adrian so closed to danger. He was the most defenseless of the three of us and not to mention it was the middle of the human day. He was already weakened from the sunlight. I begged him to stay at the hotel, but he wouldn't comply. I stopped him before he could climb through the window. "Adrian," I pleaded, "stay out here. Go back to the car—you'll be safe there."

"No, Rose, I'm not leaving you," he whispered. His eyes urged me to understand the reason he couldn't stay behind as he followed Miles through the window. I followed suit. The room was small and dark. I pushed Adrian behind me and Miles. I whispered a warning to him, "If anything happens, get out as fast as you can. Don't wait for me." I didn't wait for a reply.

Miles tiptoed out into the hall. I put a hand in front of Adrian to keep him in the room where the window was still open, in the event that we should get ambushed. Miles and I surveyed the rooms. There were two bedrooms on the right and a bathroom on the left. They were empty. The end of the hall opened up into a large, circular foyer. There were five more doors in here. We stood in the middle afraid to breathe. It was quiet in the house—too quiet. I walked toward a large oak door and grasped the cold handle. I turned the knob and threw the door open, preparing myself for anything that may be lurking behind it. I gasped appalled. I stepped through the threshold. The room was dark and cold. The floor was stone and a few feet from the room's entrance there was a wall of steel rods. It was a holding cell.

I turned to check another room, but stopped in my tracks. Two humans stood across the foyer. One had a hand over Adrian's mouth and the other hand held a gun that was pointed in his back. The second human had a gun pointed at Miles who had his hands on the back of his head. I looked around the foyer. All of the doors were open save the one directly in the middle. They must have heard us and snuck out through a window. Then, they reentered the house through the same window we had, where they found Adrian. The door opened and two more humans stepped out. They moved toward Miles and me, pointing their guns and shouting at us to get on our knees. We obeyed and they moved behind us. Another person—this time a strigoi—filed into the room. He was tall and muscular, a dhampir before he was "awakened", and he wore a mischievous grin on his face. He was followed by a slender female, who had blonde hair that matched the color of Lissa's. She carried a baby boy that was about three and was the spitting image of . . . _Miles_?

Miles's eyes went wide and he bolted to his feet, but the human pushed him down again. He bit his lip and looked away from the strigoi holding the baby. The little boy struggled to get out of her grip, but she nuzzled him closer to her. Miles's breathing hitched. The male strigoi cackled loudly. "He doesn't approve of you motherly affection toward Lane, Helen," the male strigoi tsked.

"I always was fond of children," Helen cooed.

"Let him go, please," Miles begged. "Please." They ignored him and turned their attention to Adrian. Helen's eyes widened when she recognized him. She danced toward him still grasping the baby. "Blaize, Miles brought us an Ivashkov," she sang excited. She stroked Adrian's cheek with her free hand. Adrian pulled away and she pouted.

"That's not just any Ivashkov, Helen. We are in the presence of none other than Adrian Ivashkov, the Queen's _Favorite_ great nephew. It would be a pleasure to awaken him and quite the blow to the Queen, I would imagine."

"Can I do it, Blaine?" she begged. "Can I keep him? Please?" She had the mentality of four year-old.

"Don't touch him!" I yelled. They looked at me, as if just remembering I was there. I looked around the room trying to draw up an impromptu escape plan. There were no windows; that meant we would have to go through one of the rooms, but I didn't know if there would be a way out of those rooms.

"Rosemarie Hathaway," Blaize said, moving toward me. "I didn't think you could do it Miles, but kudos. Here she is in our midst."

"What are you talking about?" I spat. Blaize threw his head back and laughed.

"Miles was working for us the entire time," he began. "He followed you from the Academy and led you straight to us."

"What do you want with me?"

"You will see in time," Blaize replied vaguely. "Lock them up, gentlemen."

The four humans pulled us to our feet and ushered us into the holding cell. Miles fought against them trying to get to the baby. The baby was also struggling to get out of the strigoi's grip. Helen set the baby on the floor and he took off toward Miles. Miles scooped him up and carried him into the cell with him. He went to a corner in the back of the room and laid the little boy in a bundle of blankets that substituted as a bed. He sat against the wall and rested his head on his knees. "Look, I'm sorry," he whispered. "They told me that they would kill Lane if I didn't bring you to them."

"No one cares if you are sorry or not," Adrian scowled.

"Miles, who is that," I asked, nodding at Lane.

"This is Lane. He is my son," he replied smiling.

"I need you to tell me what happened before you picked me up. Why did they want you to bring me to them?" Despite his betrayal, we still needed Miles's help if we were going to get out of here and we couldn't leave Lane with strigoi. There was no telling what they would do to him. Adrian shook his head and sat on the opposite side of the cell. He was ready to throw Miles to the wolves.

"I was bringing Lane to St. Vladimir's to enroll him into school. It's what Crystal would have wanted for him. They caught us coming from the hotel. It was just like the night I lost her. We were ambushed and they took Lane and me into an abandoned warehouse. Blaize told me that they wouldn't kill Lane if I brought them the girl they were looking for. When I refused, Helen fed from him. She didn't take much, but he's so little, if she kept it up he would die. I couldn't lose him too. I agreed.

"Blaize told me that they had already attacked the school the night before. That was the first part of their plan—they managed to take out one of their targets, but they couldn't get the other."

"Their other target," I swallowed. "It was Dimitri, wasn't it?"

"Yes," he whispered. "They want the Dragomir Princess." It made sense now. Blaize and Helen wanted Dimitri and me out of the way because we stood between them and Lissa.

"You knew where Dimitri was the whole time," I whispered. It was a realization rather than a question. "Andre warned me and I just shrugged it off." _Way to go, Rose_, I thought.

"He's here with them. They are going to let him decide what will happen to you," Miles said.

"I knew he wasn't to be trusted," Adrian piped up. "You kept me out of your dreams on purpose. How'd you know I could visit a person's dreams?"

"Once Belikov was awakened, he told Blaize about you guys and he dug further into your histories. He told me to make sure I kept you from talking to Rose as much as I could and, when I felt you pulling at my head, I did what I could to keep you out of my head too."

I swore, rubbing the kinks from my neck. We had to have been locked in this room for days. Lane, to his father's dismay, had taken a liking to Adrian. Lane was dozing away in Adrian's lap. Adrian was the worse for wear. They wouldn't let him sleep lest he should tell someone where we were. Scorch marks covered his skin where they hit him with the tazer every time he shut his eyes. He hadn't fed either. Our human captors had been sliding burnt toast and water through the steel bars, but they weren't about to slide through an arm for Adrian.

"Adrian," I called to him. "Adrian!"

"W-what?"

"You need to feed." I got up from my spot on the floor and crouched in front of him. I pulled the hair away from my neck and he stared at it longingly. He placed his hand on my neck and traced the artery beneath the skin.

"No!" Adrian and Miles yelled at the same time. I threw my arms in the air exasperated.

"Don't be ridiculous, Adrian," I protested. "You _will die_ if you don't get blood. Please, Adrian, I'm begging you."

"I will not do that to you, Rose."

"I'll do it."

"What?" I asked. Miles came to stand behind me.

"I'll do it," he said. "I don't want that for you, Rose. I'm the one that brought you here. I'll let him feed from me."

"Is that okay with you?" I asked Adrian. He nodded. I took Lane in my arms as Miles knelt in front of Adrian. He held out his wrist and Adrian, grimacing, broke the skin. Miles grunted and I couldn't help feeling a little jealous. I pushed that notion out of my head. When Adrian finished, Miles pushed himself against the wall and dozed off.

"Next time, I'll pack a lunch," Adrian joked. It was nice to see that he got his sense of humor back. Lane wriggled out of my grip and waddled over to Adrian. Adrian scooped him up and gently tossed him in the air. Lane laughed hysterically. "We need to get this kid out of here." I agreed.

I had to think of something fast. I paced the length of the cell. This wasn't the first time this had happened to me, I remembered. This was just like what had happened in Spokane. I had foolishly gone in search of strigoi just as Mason, Eddie, and Mia had done. I had gotten captured like I had done in Spokane. Christian's powers had been a key factor in our escape, but he wasn't here. Adrian was, however. But what could he do with Spirit? I smiled as the answer ran through my mind. It was simple.

Compulsion.

Better yet, super compulsion.

That would get us passed the humans, but what about the strigoi? Miles and I could deal with the two of them, but Miles had said that Dimitri was here. That would be problematic. He knew my every move; he would anticipate every punch I could throw at him and aborting my original mission was out of the question. I had made my decision. I wasn't going to lose another person that I loved. This wasn't going to be a replay of Spokane. If I had to sacrifice myself, then so be it.

"I've got an idea," I whispered. Adrian and Miles listened intently. "Adrian, you can use compulsion against the humans to get us out of here. Adrian, listen to this next part very, _very_ carefully, you are going to take Lane and get out the first chance you get. You can use super compulsion against anyone who tries to stop you, but it is important that you and Lane get out safely. Next, go to the car and get back to the Academy."

"Rose, I don't like the way you're talking," Adrian whispered, his voice cracking.

"What way?"

"Like you won't make it out."

"Adrian, I will be fine. Miles and I were trained to do this. I promise we will meet you back at the Academy."

He nodded weakly.

That night, when the humans brought our ration of bread and water, we were ready for them. Adrian stood by the bars across from the door. Our captor pointed his gun at Adrian and yelled for him to get back.

Adrian looked him straight in the eyes and said, "You don't want to hurt us."

He shook his head.

"Give me the gun."

Holding the gun by the barrel, he slipped the gun through the bars and into Adrian's hand. Adrian passed it to me and said, "Now, unlock the door."

The goon did what he was told. We shuffled out of the holding cell. Adrian ordered the human into the cell and demanded the keys. Adrian shut the door to the cell and locked it. One down. . .

"Wait," I whispered, as Miles and Adrian turned to leave. "Make him tell you where the strigoi are." I wasn't going to be caught by surprise this time.

"Tell me where the strigoi are."

"Down the hall. The last door on the right," he chimed, pleased to help.

Miles exited the room first to ensure that our exit was clear. I stood in the doorway of the holding room to protect Lane and Adrian should they strigoi find us out. Miles poked his head out of the room the strigoi had occupied earlier and signaled that it was empty. I pushed Adrian, who had the baby tightly in his arms, out into the foyer and we rushed to the other room. I knew as soon as Adrian broke eye contact with the human that the compulsion would begin to wear off. Confirming my thoughts, the guard hollered to the others that we were making a break for it.

I locked the door behind me after I hurdled over the threshold. It wouldn't hold them, but it would give Miles time to say good bye to Lane. Miles took Lane in his arms and hugged him tightly, a tear escaping from the corner of his left eye. I ran up to Adrian and threw myself in his arms. He held my face with his hands and brought my gaze to his. His eyes were glossy with tears and worry for my fate. His eyes pleaded for me to go with him. We could all escape, but . . .

"The humans would come after us," I said the last thought out loud. "We have to at least kill them so that they can't follow." Miles handed Lane back to Adrian and stood in front the door waiting for them to come. Adrian grabbed my waist with his right hand and kissed me fiercely before climbing through the window. I watched him run out into the safety of the morning sun and look back at the house. I was vaguely aware of the door hitting the wall and the remaining humans filing in to kill us. I expected the Blaize and Helen to come for us, then, I realized. . . I wasn't nauseous. Somehow the strigoi had escaped.

And with that knowledge, and Adrian's kiss burning on my lips, I fought. . .


	6. Adore

**A/N: It took longer than anticipated. . .so sorry. Anyway it's not very action packed. (Disclaimer: All previous disclaimers apply-- Only Miles and Lane are my own. The song is "Adore" by Paramore.)**

**Enjoy. . . **

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"_Adore"_

_I don't mean to run_

_But every time you come around,_

_I feel more alive, than ever._

_And I guess it's too much,_

_Maybe we're too young._

_And I don't even know what's real,_

_But I know I never . . ._

_Wanted anything so bad,_

_I never wanted anyone so bad._

_If I let you love me,_

_Be the one adored._

_Would you go all the way?_

_Be the one I'm looking for?_

_If I let you love me (if I say),_

_Be the one adored (its ok),_

_Would you call all the way (you can stay),_

_Be the one I'm looking for._

The humans went down easily. There had been only three and I wondered why Blaize and Helen, clearly the ring leaders of this operation, had not gotten more cronies to do their dirty work. Miles and I looked at each other for a moment, our chests heaving trying to catch our breath. "Blaize and Helen escaped," I said. "Do you know where they could have gone?"

He shook his head and said, "I don't know where they are headed, but I do know how they got out." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a room down the hall. He went to the closet and pushed aside a dresser. There was a small white door in the corner of the wall. Miles pulled it open and went through it. I followed him and crawled down the small space until it opened into a larger tunnel.

"This tunnel leads to the underground floor of a parking garage," he explained, helping me to my feet. "Blaize keeps a car there in case of an emergency." We moved through the tunnel quickly and entered the parking garage through a maintenance door. The dark parking garage was empty save an article of clothing in the center of the parking spaces. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach and my breathing became sporadic. I, cautiously, walked toward it as if the brown leather would attack Miles and me at any moment. Each step echoed through the large space like a war drum announcing the arrival of the enemy. I reached out and grabbed it quickly, a white envelope fluttering to the ground as I jerked the leather bundle upward. It was Dimitri's leather duster caked with dried mud and blood. I grabbed the envelope and tore it open. I unfolded the paper and my heart sank deeper as I read the words in Dimitri's familiar script.

Rose,

I knew you would come for me. You're so predictable that way. I knew you would find me even without Miles's help. You're strong and brave, but you cannot beat me, Rose. You were barely a match for me when I was a dhampir. Do you remember that day, Roza? You'll never be able to beat me now. I am stronger. I am faster. I will kill you, but not now. No. I will wait until the next time we meet because anticipation is the best part of the game. And I _will_ enjoy killing you.

Dimitri

I blinked back the moisture that gathered in the wells of my eyes. I crumbled the paper and sighed. I wasn't going to cry; not right now. I was sure now that the Dimitri I had loved was gone. He only remained as a fragmented memory that would haunt me until my dying day—love doomed from the start. Any small hope I had of saving him was gone. I chuckled darkly to myself. Would anything in my life work out the way I _wanted_ it too? Maybe I was being punished for something, but for what I couldn't say. _My_ Dimitri loved me, but this Dimitri didn't and—in the end—one of us would die. And it wasn't going to be me.

"Let's go," I whispered to Miles, surprised at how neutral my voice sounded. I threw the duster and the note into a dumpster near the maintenance door we had come through—a small sign that I wouldn't let what happened in the caves loom over me and keep me from being happy again. I would always remember him the way he was and not the monster he had become. Although it was still painful to think about living my life without him, Dimitri's note helped me in a way I was sure he didn't mean it too. It cut me deeply, that much was true, but it made me stronger and gave me the drive I needed to complete my mission.

When we got back to the hotel, there were two plane tickets to Montana and a cell phone. The cell phone's screen blinked continuously—**ONE NEW TEXT MESSAGE**. I picked up the phone and read the message. It was from Adrian.

_Our plane just left. Hope you're ok. Call me when you get this._

_--Adrian_

I dialed Adrian's number and he picked up on the first ring.

"Little Dhampir," he said, relieved. "I was starting to worry."

"We're fine, but Blaize and Helen got away. Dimitri was with them."

"Oh, are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yes. It still hurts, but I've finally accepted it," I whispered. "Listen, Miles and I are leaving now. We'll meet you at the Academy."

"Ok. Get to me in one piece, Little Dhampir."

"I will," I said, hanging up the phone. Miles and I packed our few belongings and went to the airport to catch our flight back home.

When the taxi pulled through the gates of St. Vladimir's Academy, a wave of nostalgia hit me. How long had I been gone? I hadn't bothered to keep track. I would guess it had to be a few months at the very least. As Miles and I got out of the taxi, I relaxed my mind and let myself search the bond for Lissa. She was running down the corridor practically dragging an annoyed Christian behind her. Eddie and Adrian, carrying a sleeping Lane in his arms, followed them beaming. Lissa was ecstatic to have me back. Finally, her little makeshift family would be whole again and, more importantly, she would have her guardian and best friend back at last.

I ran up the steps and pushed open the academy doors as Lissa came flying around the corner at the end of the hall. She dropped Christian's hand and threw herself at me. We held onto each other for a long moment, rambling apologies to each other. Christian slid to a stop beside Lissa, panting for breath. "Rose," he greeted, hugging me.

"Whoa," I said, "didn't miss me did you?"

"Of course not. I finally had some peace around here," he shot back. "That's all shot to hell now."

"Oh, come on, you missed me," I pressed.

"Not a chance."

"I know you did. I missed you to Christian," I said sincerely. I meant it. I really had missed him and his wise ass comments—not to mention we were two pretty badass strigoi slayers. "You're my little pain in the ass, but don't worry I'm sure we'll get back to painting each other's nails and creating cute nicknames for each other in no time."

"Oh, Rosie Posie, I couldn't possibly wait a second longer for that," he remarked, rolling his eyes. "Can I have the glittery pink nail polish this time?"

"Anything for my pain in the ass." The three of us laughed. Lissa stopped laughing when Miles stepped through the door and stood beside me, placing a hand on the small of my back. I introduced him to Lissa and Christian as Adrian and Eddie joined our group.

Eddie scooped me into a tight hug and twirled me around. "Rose, I'm so glad you're back. I missed you so much."

"Eddie. Can't. Breathe," I choked out. He put me down, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. "I missed you too," I replied, catching my breath. "This is Miles. Miles, this is Eddie." They shook hands and Adrian handed Miles Lane. Miles's face lit up when his eyes fell on his sleeping baby. I could imagine the relief he must have felt to finally have his son some place safe. Lissa cooed over the baby, smitten with him.

"I set up an appointment with Kirova for you to enroll Lane," Adrian said to Miles. "She's in her office waiting for you. She wants to see you to Rose."

"Splendid," I whispered. I'm sure she wanted to tell me how I was a disappointment and that what I did was stupid. Blah, blah, blah. I wouldn't be surprised if this visit ended with me being escorted of the premises.

Kirova sat behind her desk talking on the phone as she feverishly wrote on a notepad. She waved Miles and I into her office and motioned for us to take a seat. We obliged and waited patiently for Kirova to finish her phone call. She placed the phone back on the receiver and smiled at Lane who was sitting on the floor playing with the laces on his father's shoes. "Mr. Ivashkov has not let your son out of his sight since they arrived earlier today. Princess Vasilissa was rather dismayed when he refused to let her hold him. He took his responsibility over Lane very seriously," she commended, sounding surprised. "I would like to welcome you to St. Vladimir's Academy, Guardian Olsen." Miles straightened up in his chair.

"Guardian?"

"Mr. Ivashkov has asked us to reinstate your Guardianship. Of course, it is entirely up to you. Mr. Ivashkov has also informed me that you wish to enroll Lane in the Academy. The two of you are more than welcome here. I left the enrollment forms with my secretary for you to fill out. Then, she'll have one of the guardians show you to your room."

"Thank you, Headmistress," Miles replied. "If it is okay, I would like to sleep on your offer. I hadn't guarded anyone in years."

She said she understood (though we both knew she could _never_ empathize with us) and Miles was dismissed. Kirova turned her eyes to me and I waited for the onslaught of criticism to snake through my ears. She clasped her hands together and placed them in front of her on the desk. "Rosemarie Hathaway," she began, "I can honestly say that I never thought I would be glad to see you in my office. Now, I'm going to get straight to the point, Rose. I wasn't lying when I told you that we needed you. You're the best novice St. Vladimir's has to offer. You're an asset to our community. Graduation is in three days time; I've talked to Guardian Petrov and we would like you to graduate on time."

"Headmistress," I began, opting for politeness, "I really appreciate the gesture, but I've not yet completed my mission." It was a short answer, but it made my point. The idea of graduating and getting on with my life was alluring. I wanted that small form of normalcy, but I couldn't have it. Not yet, anyway—not with Dimitri still on the loose because, frankly, he was a threat. A threat that _I_ needed to take care of.

"I understand, Rose. I just spoke with Guardian Petrov and we both understand the threat of the situation. Mr. Ivashkov has enlightened us on the situation, but I would like to for you to give us your account. You will meet with the Guardians at eight o'clock tomorrow morning. I trust you will be on time." I nodded and she dismissed me.

I looked for Lissa using the bond—she was in the library with Christian, Eddie, and Adrian. Adrian smiled at me as I sat in the chair beside him. I smiled at him and it surprised me how easy I felt around him now. Here's the thing, I realized that if I was going to be able to complete my mission, I had to _let_ myself get over him. I would never forget what we had or _could_ have had. No—never in a million years would I try to repress those memories, but fate was keen on keeping us apart and I need to accept that. I only had one thing left that I could give to Dimitri and that was to put him to rest.

"What did Kirova want," Lissa asked. I could feel her curiosity tugging at the back of my mind.

"She wants me to graduate on time," I said, breaking out into a smile when I felt her excitement. Lissa had been beaming since I got back. Wasn't she still the least bit angry with me? I shook the thought away. I wouldn't bring it up. She was happy and that was all that mattered to me.

I snuggled against Adrian and he squeezed me tightly against him. He kissed my forehead and whispered, "Little Dhampir, want to go for a walk?"

I nodded and Lissa raised her eyebrows as we walked out of the library together. _What's going on between you? We're talking later._ If it were possible, Lissa was beaming more than before. I could sense her whispering to Christian and Eddie about us. Adrian and I walked across the grounds hand in hand. We walked in silence for a long time just enjoying each other's company. I chuckled to myself. I never would have thought I could enjoy Adrian's company. He looked at me curiously when he heard me laugh.

"Adrian," I began slowly, "I don't know how good I'm going to be at this, but I want to give us . . . a try." His face lit up and he grabbed me into a hug. He smoothed his hand against my hair and kissed the side of my head.

"Are you sure?" he asked, suddenly nervous. I laughed.

"When Miles and I realized that the strigoi got away, we went through the tunnel they had escaped out of. It led to a parking garage. Dimitri had left me a note and his jacket. He told me he was going to kill me." Adrian flinched and held me tighter.

"I realized that I wasn't _letting_ myself get over him. The Dimitri that I loved is dead and I understand that now. After reading his note, I had a sort of epiphany. I'm still going to finish my mission, but I want to have a reason to fight and come back."

"What about Olsen?" he asked. "I thought that maybe you would've picked him. He's a guardian after all—a really good guardian. I figured that he would be more appealing since he didn't have any ties to us. It would have been easier for you."

I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes not understanding his sudden campaign for Miles. I spoke softly, "I know and I considered it, but I don't want to run away from my issues. I just want to be happy and I am happy right now." I nuzzled against his chest. I could feel him smiling against my skin. The thought that I could make him smile made my own smile spread itself across my face.

"I love you, Rose," he whispered.

"Rose?" I asked, feigning shock. "I don't think you've ever called me by my name before."

"Can't I call you by something other than 'Little Dhampir'?"

"You could, but I like being your Little Dhampir so much more," I grinned.

"Alright, I love you, Little Dhampir," he sighed defeated.

"I love you, too."

We walked a little further until we came to the large clearing in the middle of the campus. We saw Miles and Lane playing with a football in the grass. Lane waddled over to Miles pushing against him and Miles fell over pretending to get tackled. Miles heard us approaching and stood up shaking the grass out of his hair.

"Unco Adwian," Lane sang, running over to Adrian. He lifted his arms above his head. "Up." Adrian obeyed and lifted him up. At Lane's request, he started tossing him up in the air and catching him.

"Ivashkov," Miles started, "uh, I wanted to thank you for taking care of Lane for me. I appreciate it. You're not such an ass after all."

"You're welcome and, I guess, you're not such a dick either."

"Excuse me," I scolded, "Little kid here." They mumbled apologies while Lane sang repeatedly, "Dick, dick, dick. . ." I glared at Adrian who was laughing with Miles at Lane's new word. Boys. . .

"Hey, Miles, can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked, beckoning for him to follow me.

"Sure, Rose," he agreed. He followed me further down the sidewalk. "What'd you want to talk about?"

"Well, I wanted to let you know that I'm with Adrian now. So, no more competing for my affection."

"I figured," he whispered smiling. I was glad that he wasn't crushed, but I hadn't really expected him to be. "He's a good guy and he cares about you a lot. Friends?"

"Friends," I agreed. "Are you going to take Kirova up on her offer?"

"I haven't decided yet. I mean it was nice of her to offer, but I have to think about Lane too. I don't want to be away from him. What about you? Graduating—you must be pretty excited?"

"Yeah, I am," I replied. "I've been training my whole life to protect Lissa. Hanging out every day with my best friend—what more could I ask for? Besides, I wasn't thinking straight when I left. I was grieving, but I'm going to finish what I started. I won't let this little reunion deter me."

"What are we going to do about the strigoi?"

"I don't know. There's a guardian meeting tomorrow morning. You should come with me. You're better than the Guardians here. I need you with me because if I can't do it . . . you're stronger and more experienced then I am. I know you'll finish it if something happens to me and there is only one other person besides you that I trust with Lissa's life—Eddie."

"Of course, Rose. I want to do whatever I can to make up for what I've done."

"Don't say that," I replied. "I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. They had your son. I would have handed them anyone they wanted if they had my child. Come on, I think we should go relieve 'Unco Adwian'."

"I don't know what he's done to my kid, but all he wants to do is play with Adrian," he laughed. I was struck with a brilliant idea all of a sudden and a ridiculous grin came to my face. "What?"

"You should be Christian's Guardian," I replied. I was such a genius. "We're all together all the time—the five of us are practically attached at the hips. You wouldn't have to be away from Lane all the time and you can still be a Guardian. What do you think? Aren't I a genius?"

"That is a good idea. I'll talk to Christian about it and see if he's okay with that."

"Are you kidding me? The novices aren't exactly lining up to be his Guardian with him being a 'strigoi lover' and all. Anyway, he has to accept."

"Why is that?" he asked amused.

"Because I said so, that's why."

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**A/N: It's slow I know, but I hoped you enjoyed. Playlist is updated. Just out of curiousity, what do you think about the songs I've chosen?**


	7. Beautiful

**A/N: Well, here it is. took a little longer than I wanted it to, but I'm done with School so I should be able to post more often (no promises). I updated the soundtrack and I included two songs. One is _Beautiful_ by Trading Yesterday. I wanted to thank Steffy2106 because if it was not for me being hooked on her fanfic _Expect the Unexpected, I would have never known this song existed. If you haven't checked her out, you should get poppin'. The other song is Knife Called Lust_ by Hollywood Undead.**

**(Disclaimer: All pervious Disclaimers apply)**

* * *

"_Beautiful"_

"_You've got a choice; You have a voice." – Hollywood Undead ("Knife Called Lust")_

_And time stands still beneath the air waiting hours  
__To touch, just to feel love that seems to overpower me.  
__She's all I'll ever need  
__And you know her love just hypnotizes me  
__Till all I see is beautiful  
__At night I dreamt that you were sent to me from Heaven  
__My life, it seems so lonely without your presence  
__You could change my every day  
__And I could never think of love without your name as you remain  
__Beautiful, like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain  
__Beautiful, like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break  
__Beautiful, like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun  
__Beautiful, making everything brand new  
__Beautiful you_

The Guardians had already started arguing by the time Miles and I got to the conference room in the Guardian building. I didn't know what had set them to arguing, but nothing would be accomplished in this state. Guardians from all over, including my mother (who had yet to arrive), had been called to the Academy with one assignment—to establish a perimeter and await further instructions. Alberta was finally able to soothe the disgruntled Guardians and began the meeting. Miles and I stood along the wall in the back of the room.

"It has come to light," she began, kicking into Guardian mode, "that recent events were just a precursor to a greater threat. We have received some inside intelligence as to the strigoi's plan to abduct the Dragomir Princess. Now, I asked Rose here—

A Guardian I didn't recognize pushed himself up, his metal chair scraping against the wood floor. "You can't have called us here to listen to the delusions of a child!" My brow creased as I listened to his argument aided by a few mumbled agreements. So, that was what they had been arguing over. They didn't trust me. What a bunch of jackasses. I rolled my eyes as he continued. "She's an immature dropout. She was tested and, in the end, she couldn't handle it. She ran away. She just wants attention."

"Ha," I scoffed. Everyone in the room turned in their chairs to look at me and Guardian Jackass smiled at me smugly. Alberta gave me a chastising look.

"Guardian Sanders, Rose was top of her class when she was a student here. It is because of her, that more lives were not lost. We owe a lot to Rose and, taking into consideration the strigoi's target, she has a lot more to lose than any of us.

"Also, Guardian Olsen is an accomplished Guardian himself. He's made more kills than all of us combined. He has his own motivations for helping us. I believe they come in the form of his small child."

"He's an insubordinate," Guardian Sanders retorted clearly defeated. Alberta's word was _law_ on this campus. She ignored his comment and called Miles forth to give his account of what happened to him at the hands of Blaize and Helen.

Guardian Jackass wasn't swayed.

Next, it was my turn. I started at the moment I left the Academy. The Guardians listened intently to what I had to say and hung off my every word. I, of course, left out the real reason that I had gone after Dimitri opting for a half-truth instead. I had made a promise to him and I intended on keeping it. I didn't want to sully his reputation and what difference did it make if they knew about us _now_? None—that's what.

They gasped when I told them that Adrian came into the house with us. _What were we _thinking _endangering a Moiroi? And the Queen's _favorite_ nephew!_ What did they want us to do tie Adrian down to the hotel's bed? Apparently, they did.

"They staged the first attack to get Dimitri and me out of the way. He's helping them now, I think."

"You _think_?" Guardian Jackass scoffed. "He's a strigoi now. What else should he do? Help us? Please, Guardian Petrov, we will risk more lives than need to be lost. We should send the Princess to the Royal Court. She will be better protected there."

"Then, Blaize will attack the Royal Court. You'll only put the Queen in danger as well," Miles objected.

"Okay, Olsen, sense you're so smart. Why don't they just attack the Queen instead of a teenager? If they have no qualms about storming the Royal Court—which would be suicide for them, I might add." This guy was real mature. He might as well have called Miles a "Mr. Smarty Pants". He gave me a run for my money, that's for sure.

"Isn't it obvious?" Miles asked, using an _are-you-seriously-that-stupid_ tone. "Princess Vasilissa is the last sole Dragomir. That alone makes her a prime target. The Dragomir line is the easiest to extinguish. Not to mention she is a Candidate for the Queen's position. She is _most likely_ going to be the next to take the throne. Chaos would ensue if she were killed or turned. If they simply went after the Queen, we would have Vasilissa to take over. But eliminate her, and then we have nothing."

"Guardian Olsen is right," Alberta agreed. "Princess Vasilissa is far too important to the Moiroi society. Her safety is our main priority. Rose, what do you suggest we do since you are to be the Princess's future Guardian?"

I gaped at her. I hadn't expected to be the one that would be handing out orders. It did make me a bit—hell, very—smug to see Guardian Jackass's eyes pop out of their sockets from shock. I quickly composed myself. Time for Guardian Rose.

"Well, Lissa—I mean, Princess Vasilissa—needs to be protected. Eddie Castile would be the best fit to protect her. He's spent time with her during the field experience and they are both comfortable with each other. We should focus our efforts on creating a perimeter and making sure the wards are at their strongest. We don't want a repeat of what happened last time. We have to rely on our observational skills, not the wards. They have humans working with them, so we have to be cautious of everyone who wanders close by the campus.

The Princess could also use a far Guardian—I suggest Guardian Janine Hathaway. And I mean _far_ Guardian. The Princess would only become more anxious with someone smothering her making everything worse." I knew I was going to regret having my mother around, but it was necessary.

"Next, we need a search group. We should find them before they can have a chance to attack. Miles and I can lead this effort. If we can get to them first, many lives can be spared."

"Well, thought out Rose," Alberta praised. "Guardian Olsen, would you like to add anything to Rose's plan?"

"The Princess is the intended target, but I know Blaize and Helen. They would use her friends against her if they can. I suggest at least a far Guardian a piece for Lord Ivashkov and Lord Ozera—especially Lord Ozera. While she and Eddie are friends, I believe he is apt to protect himself."

"I will take your suggestion into consideration. We will dismiss for now and reconvene tomorrow morning to charter our course for action and we will sent out the next night," Alberta said.

Miles and I rushed out of the conference room and raced to the cafeteria to get a quick breakfast. Adrian was sitting at a table with Lane surrounded by a bunch of baby-struck girls. I sighed and rolled my eyes. We both grabbed a banana and a box of juice and pushed our way passed the girls. I shot them a threatening glance and they dispersed.

"Daddy," Lane squealed, "look what Unco Adwian gave me!" He held his trophy—a stuffed dinosaur—high in the air beaming. Adrian smiled also and chuckled. I never would have expected Adrian to be so kind. He was full of surprises. Lane didn't have anything when he and Miles were being held prisoner by Blaize and Helen, but—by the time Miles and I got back to the Academy—Adrian had dozens of toys, clothes, and kids movies delivered to the Academy. Miles was stunned that the infamous Adrian Ivashkov could be so generous. I suppose it was because of his gratitude for what Adrian had done for Lane that Miles stopped pursuing a relationship with me. Of course, he still wasn't thrilled that Lane mimicked Adrian's every action. Adrian even dubbed Lane his "Teeny Tiny Dhampir".

"I see that isn't all," I said, pointing out the small, gold aviators Lane was wearing. "He's becoming the campus heartbreaker."

The three of us laughed and Lane pulled the shades down to the bridge of his nose and looked me up and down. "Helwo Wittle Dhampire," he crooned. We laughed harder.

"You better have not taught him that," I scolded Adrian, still laughing until tears leaked out my eyes.

"Sadly, I can't take credit for that," he replied.

"Look Ivashkov, I wanted to thank you again. It's more than I could have asked for, really," Miles said.

"It was a pleasure," he said. "I've always had a soft spot for kids." He shot me a long glance from the corner of his eyes. I didn't need a bond to see what was on his mind. He was thinking about his future family and that included me—not as a Guardian, but as a doting mother. I had to admit, the idea made me nervous. I had accepted the fact that kids were not going to be in my future. I didn't want my child to grow-up like I had—hating his or her mother.

Miles sighed, "Let's go Romeo." He picked Miles up and placed him gently on his back. "Rose, Christian gets out of his class soon, so I'm going to go talk to him about it. I'll see you guys later."

"Why would he possibly _want _to talk to Christian?" Adrian asked, as Miles and Lane disappeared through the doors.

"I suggested that he become Christian's Guardian. He doesn't want to be away from Lane and I figured, since Lane is glued to you and we are all always together, that would be a good way to get both."

"That's my Little Dhampir," he praised. "Always thinking of the best for others."

"Adrian, let's go somewhere private, I need to talk to you," I suggested. I needed to tell him about the decisions that were made—that I made—at the guardian meeting. They affected him now more than they would have because we were a couple now. This time he wouldn't be able to follow either. I would make sure of that.

We walked down the hall and out into the courtyard. We walked across campus to the guest housing. When we got outside Adrian's room, he kissed my lips softly and led me into the living room. He pulled me onto the sofa beside him and I snuggled against him reveling in this small moment of contact.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Little Dhampir?" he asked softly.

"We decided what we are going to do about the strigoi," I replied.

"We?"

"Yeah," I hesitated. I took a deep, calming breath. _Better just to get it over with Rose._ "Miles and I will be leading the hunt for Blaize, Helen, and Dimitri."

"What?" he yelled, jumping off the sofa and knocking me down in the process. He caught me before I hit the floor and mumbled an apology. I sat back on the sofa and watched him pace.

"Alberta wants me to lead the Guardians. She let me plan it all out actually. I am leaving in three days and, more importantly, you are _not _going to follow me this time." My courage was coming back to me in small bursts.

"I'm going," he protested. I scoffed and instantly regretted it. "What? You don't think I could be of any use—that I can't help?"

"No, Adrian," I said hurriedly. "I know you can help. You are the reason we all made it out of that house. But don't you understand? I want you to be safe and that means staying here. I don't want to lose you too."

"I don't want to lose you either," he whispered. I got up from my seat and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Adrian, I've been trained to do this my whole life. I am going to be a Guardian. It's what I was born to do."

"No, Rose," he disputed, using my name to show that he was serious, "you have a choice. You don't have to have the life of a Guardian. You could stay here with me and Lissa and let them handle it. Stay with me, please, Rose."

"It's not that easy, Adrian. Besides I _want_ to protect you and Lissa."

"What about what _I_ want?"

"What do you want, Adrian? _What?_" I was yelling now. I knew he wouldn't take kindly to my hunting strigoi, especially Dimitri. "For me to stay and _marry_ you? To stay home and raise a bunch of kids? That's not me, Adrian."

"I just want to protect you," he admitted saddened by my outburst. I spoke out of anger; I hadn't meant it. I did love him after all. "Do you think it's easy for me knowing that you are willing to throw yourself into danger to protect someone else? I want to be able to do that for you, but I can't. I wouldn't last against a strigoi. I wouldn't even be able to beat a Dhampir. What kind of man does that make me, Rose? I'm incapable of protecting my girl."

"Oh, Adrian," I sighed, holding him tighter; "I didn't mean what I said. I understand that you want to protect me, but you can do that by staying here. If one of the strigoi tried to use you against me, I don't know what I would do to get you back. I love you."

"I love you, too, Little Dhampir." I pushed myself up on my tippy-toes to give him a peck on the lips, but he had something else in mind. He lifted me into his arms and, kissing me sweetly, brought me into his bedroom. He laid me on the large king sized bed and our kisses became more passionate and desperate. Two nights were all we had before I would leave to kill Dimitri and I wasn't sure if I would be coming back at least not alive anyway.

I pulled his shirt over his head and discarded it on the floor. I clutched at his back, trailing kisses from his lips to his shoulders, needing his skin against mine. I needed him to know that I loved him deeply. I needed him to _believe_ it. No matter what would happen when I faced Dimitri, I would get through it knowing that _he knew_ what we had was special. If I didn't come back, he would know. He pushed my shirt up exposing my stomach. He rubbed his fingers gingerly along the muscles hardened with a lifetime of training.

"Are," he hesitated, "are you sure? We don't have to if you don't want to."

"I want you entirely," I whispered. And pushing aside the thought of what was to come, we proved how much we truly loved each other.

The last curtains of sunlight were disappearing behind the tree tops when I woke the next morning. I twisted my body around to look at the alarm clock—7:30 p.m. I groaned and laid back down on Adrian's chest. _Come on, Rose, rise and shine. Time to get up._ I wanted to tell that annoying voice in my head to shut the hell up, but I just wanted to go back to sleep and lay beside Adrian forever. _Rose! Guardian meeting, remember? If I wasn't just a _voice _in your head, I'd slap you awake. . . _

I lifted Adrian's arms from around my waist and gently wiggled away from him. I dressed quickly, scribbled a small note to tell Adrian where I would be, and ran to my room to brush my hair and teeth.

Miles and Alberta were bent over a map with a group of Guardians. They looked up as I approached the table they huddled around. Red push pins littered the map—possible places were the strigoi could be hiding, but Miles couldn't remember Blaize mentioning one specific place. Alberta urged him to rack his brain. Obviously, they had both forgotten something very important in regards to me.

"That probably won't be necessary," I stated. They both looked at me questioningly. "You've seriously forgotten about the bad ass effects being shadow kissed and killing strigoi have on me?"

"Ghosts," they said in unison. I nodded complacently.

My head began pounding as I crossed the wards, Alberta and Miles warily following behind me. They held their stakes out ready to lash out at anyone or anything that approached. Dozens of translucent figures swirled into view and I concentrated my energy on making them go away. I only needed to see one person.

"Andre," I called. He appeared in front of me with the same annoyed look he used to get when Lissa and I aggravated him to no end. "Well, I needed you."

The hint of a smile played at his lips and he shook his head. I pulled the map from my back pocket and unfolded it. I held it out for Andre to get a good look at it. His finger hovered over the paper. His forehead creased and his smile fell into a frown. I pulled the cap of my marker with my mouth and set to marking the paper. My hand froze and I gaped at the city Andre had indicated on the map. Spokane.

"The same house?"

He nodded grimly.

"Why? Why would they go there?" I asked, to none one in particular. Andre shrugged. I drew a shaky circle around the letters that held so much power over me now as Mason's cold blue eyes stared holes into my heart.

"Rose?" Alberta asked cautiously. It was then that I realized I was having a mini freak out. My chest was heaving and my eyes filled with tears. I took a deep breath and pushed them back.

"They're in Spokane. At the house where Mas . . ." I couldn't finish. It just starting bringing back painful memories that I didn't want to dwell on. Alberta nodded and Miles wrapped an arm around my waist and lead me back across the wards. Andre watched me and the pitying look he gave me made everything hurt so much more.

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**A/N: I wanted to take a sec to thank everyone for reading my little slice of VA and even more for taking the time to review. It is greatly appreciated.**


	8. Memories

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. The Playlist has been updated. I also had a reviewer from the last chapter who requested that I email her (Jasmine, I believe). Well, I tried but their was no email to reach you. I wasn't trying to blow you off or anything. I would love to talk to you. My email is reachable (word?) from my profile so drop me a line. I look forward to hearing from you. (Disclaimer: I don't own VA just my original characters. The song is _Memories_ by Within Temptation.)**

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"_Memories"_

_Made me promise I'd try,  
To find my way back in this life.  
Hope there is a way,  
To give me a sign you're okay.  
Reminds me again it's worth it all,  
So I can go home.  
All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you being here.  
All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent whispers, silent tears.  
Together in all these memories,  
I see your smile.  
All of the memories I hold dear.  
Darling you know I'll love you,  
Till the end of time._

"Are you okay?" Lissa asked, sitting beside me on her bed. Kirova had already told her, Eddie and Christian the particulars after the Guardian meeting. She, however, took it better than Adrian had. She didn't _want_ to go. Christian wanted to help us fight, of course, but Moiroi using offensive magic was still very taboo. I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I'm fine, Liss," I reassured her. "I was just lost in thought, that's all. We've barely hung out since I got back. I'm glad we have that chance now, besides, I can tell through that handy—yet annoying—bond we share that you want to drill me about Adrian." I felt her curiosity flare and I couldn't help smiling. It was interesting how easy smiles were coming to me now. Was it just a few months ago that I thought my life was over? That I would never smile again?

"Well, what made you decide to give him a shot?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"I promised him I would give him a fair chance when I left the Academy. After being on my own for a while, I started to find comfort with him when he visited my dreams. He grew on me, I guess you could say. I just decided to close my eyes and go for it."

"_So_?" she pressed.

"So?"

"Do you love him?" she asked. Her emotions and thoughts flitting through me were worse than watching a chick-flick. Its sugary sweetness made me want to gag.

"More than anything," I replied simply. Excitement filled Lissa, but there was the tiniest hint of jealousy directed toward Adrian mixed in. I rolled my eyes and squeezed her into a big, sisterly hug. "No one could ever compete with my best friend. Ever."

She smiled.

"I know," she replied. "So, you've been spending a lot of time together. Have you guys . . . you know?" She wiggled her eyebrows up and down, grinning foolishly.

"Wow, Liss, you don't beat around the bush," I joked.

"Oh my God. You did. Didn't you?"

"Last night," was all I said.

"My Rose is growing up so fast!" she fake-sobbed. I chucked a pillow at her head. What she didn't know was that her Rose grew up months ago in that cabin in the woods . . . and not with Adrian. I pushed the memory of that day my life changed in the back of my mind and locked it away.

"How was it?" she asked. _Okay, now she is being nosey._

"I don't ask for details when you and Christian have sex, _Vasilissa_," I pointed out.

"That's because you already know." That was truer than I wanted it to be. We both started laughing at my discomfort. "Well?"

"Perfect. Amazing," I counted. "I couldn't possibly find the words to describe how amazing it was. There aren't words strong enough."

"You should go spend time with him, Rose."

"Lissa, we barely spent any time together," I protested.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, you're leaving tomorrow night! You should be spending time with him, Rose. God knows he's probably a mess." She was right. It was the last night I would be able to spend with Adrian before I left to go hunt strigoi. "Besides," she added, "I made plans with Christian."

"What? I'm being dumped for the flaming, strigoi wannabe?" I said, feigning hurt.

"Rose!"

"What, Lissa? I'm supposed to protect you from his type," I informed her.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what type is that exactly?"

"You know; the type who don't know how to keep their hands to themselves."

"I happen to like that type, Rose." She stuck her tongue out.

There was a soft knock on the door. Lissa got up and bounced toward the door. It was Christian. He kissed her passionately. I cleared my throat.

"Aw, Liss, you didn't get rid of her yet?" Christian pouted.

"What would she need you for when she has such a bad ass best friend like me?" I asked, flipping him off.

"I could think f a few things," he said, winking at me. I threw a pillow at him.

"I'd rather not." I got up from her bed and walked to the door. "I have to go see Adrian anyway. Maybe it'll help to block you out. I have a feeling I don't want to get sucked into your head tonight." Lissa blushed and, as I walked out the door, Christian muttered something about not knowing what I was missing.

I pushed my legs as fast as they could take me. I rounded the corner and smashed into a body coming around the corner just as fast. Miles. The force of the hit sent both of us sprawling onto the marble floor with a loud thud.

"Rose, hey," he greeted, holding a hand out to help me up.

"Where are you headed in such a rush?" I asked. "You should watch where you're going, Guardian Olsen."

"I'm on my way to meet with Kirova and Guardian Petrov to put in my request to Guard Christian. It's going to be strange guarding a Moiroi again, but where are _you _going?"

"Adrian's room."

"Oh, well," he paused, "I just dropped Lane of at his room. I was going to run some errands, but I can take him with me."

I blushed, cherry red, realizing what he was hinting at. "Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. It's no big issue."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," I said. Miles smiled, kissed me softly on the cheek, and sped off down the hall. I continued down the hall and knocked lightly on Adrian's door.

"Come in," Adrian called from inside. I let myself in. Adrian was sitting on the sofa with Lane watching Spider Man cartoons. I sat down on the other side of Lane. "Hey," Adrian greeted me.

"Hey."

"You leave tomorrow night." It wasn't a question—more like reluctant acceptance of the truth. I nodded. He took his eyes off the TV and looked at me. He stretched his arm out and stroked my cheek. "I thought you were spending the rest of the day with Lissa?"

"I got dumped for Lover boy. Besides I want to spend time with you before I leave."

"You'll stay tonight?" he asked, the slightest hint of worry behind his words. I had to suppress a giggle.

"Adrian, you couldn't get me out of this room if you got Guardians to drag me out."

He chuckled softly. "When does your mother arrive?"

"Tomorrow morning," I replied uninterested. "She should be arriving with your Guardian as well."

He nodded. Lane yawned loudly between us. "I think someone is ready for bed," Adrian announced.

"No," he protested, but Adrian scooped him up and put to bed in the spare bedroom.

I went to Adrian's bedroom and plopped onto the large bed. Adrian followed suit and held his arms open for me. I rolled over and snuggled against his warm chest. "What can I say to make you stay?" he asked.

"Adrian, we had this discussion already. I'll be back soon," I promised. He sighed and held me tightly until sleep took over.

I adjusted the small bag on my shoulder and fidgeted with the buttons on my coat as I waited beside the Academy's black van waiting for Adrian to come out. He had still been asleep when I left his room in the morning. Alberta had waited me to meet with the Guardians that had just arrived—my mother included. I could feel Lissa's assurances through the bond. _He'll be here._ _He wouldn't let you leave without saying goodbye._ I hoped she was right. The thought of leaving Adrian without being able to say goodbye was unbearable.

"Rose," Alberta said, "We have to go."

"Wha—I don't understand," I choked. "Why isn't he here?"

"Rose, don't be ridiculous," my mother scowled. "If he cared, he would have been here already. I told you to stay away from his type, but I see that you hadn't heeded any of my warnings." She glared at Miles when she said the last bit. My eyes began to sting with tears. I knew she was wrong. He did care about me, but I couldn't bring myself to argue with her. Adrian and I hadn't had a fight last night, so why wasn't he here?

"I'm sure it's nothing," Lissa assured me.

"Yeah, Rose, maybe he's just tied up."

"There's nothing to worry about," Eddie and Christian added. I looked at Miles for a fourth opinion. His smile was small as he nodded in agreement and held onto Lane as if it would be the last time. I could tell he was hiding something.

"Are you sure?" I asked again.

"Of course," a voice added behind us. I spun around quickly. My eyes fell on Adrian's green ones. I smiled foolishly and Adrian's grin matched my own. "I'm sorry that it took me so long. I was getting something together for you. I guess I cut it pretty close."

"It's okay, Adrian," I whispered, still grinning. Alberta cleared her throat. "Just a _second_, Petrov."

"Rose!" my mother scolded. I mumbled an apology.

"Just one more moment please, Guardian Petrov," Adrian asked graciously. She nodded, Adrian's charm working on her . . . well, like a charm. He rummaged around in his coat pocket and pulled a small device from his pocket. He handed the black object to me. It was an IPod.

"It's my IPod," he explained. "It has all of my favorite songs and videos on it. I thought you would like to have it for the trip to Spokane."

"Thank you, Adrian," I replied. "That was very thoughtful of you."

"I'm a thoughtful guy, Little Dhampir," he chuckled.

Miles walked up to us and handed Lane to Adrian who would be watching him while Miles was away. "Uh, Adrian," Miles started. He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "If I don't make it back could you, um, take care of him for me?"

"Miles, don't talk like that," I said.

"Rose, I have to think about all the possibilities. I don't want Lane to end up in some stranger's home. I know I'm asking you to take on a huge responsibility, Adrian, but he loves you and you are the only person I trust to give him the love he needs. I've made the arrangements. It's all taken care of." He handed Adrian the manila folder he was holding. "All you need to do is sign a few papers and it'll be done. I know you'll take good care of him."

"Of course, Miles. I would be honored," Adrian said. He and Miles hugged, and Miles went to tell the others goodbye.

"Adrian, I love you," I whispered.

"I know, Rose. Just come back to me. In one piece."

I nodded, kissed him quickly, and climbed in the backseat of the van next to Miles. Miles leaned his head back against the seat and shut his eyes. A few tears escaped from beneath the lids. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. It was a small gesture, put it would get my point across. I was here for him and he had nothing to worry about. Everything would turn out okay. He was so bad ass—a God even. I winced and was glad that he couldn't see the fear in my eyes. I had thought Dimitri was a God—completely invincible—but I was very, _very_ wrong. He was mortal just like me . . . just like Miles. No matter how many strigoi he killed, he could be taken down just as easily.

I unwrapped the headphones from around Adrian's IPod and put an ear bud in my right ear and placed the other in Miles' left ear. I put it on shuffle. The first song that came on was _Memories_ by Within Temptation. I closed my eyes and listened to the words. The singer seemed to know all about me and Dimitri. It was like this song was written to bring me closure. I had gotten that to some degree with Adrian. But I would never stop loving _him_—Dimitri; my first love.

_In this world you tried_

_Not leaving me alone behind_

_There's no other way_

_I'll pray to the Gods let him stay_

_The memories ease the pain inside_

_Now I know why_

_All of my memories keep you near_

_In silent moments_

_Imagine you'd be here_

_All of my memories keep you near_

_Your silent whispers, silent tears_

Memories were all I would have of him now, but those memories—whether we were fighting or sneaking a kiss beneath a blanket of shadows—would remain in my heart forever. They would keep me from falling apart.

_Made me promise I'd try_

_To find my way back in this life_

_I hope there is a way_

_To give me a sign you're okay_

_Reminds me again it's worth it all_

_So I can go home_

_All of my memories keep you near_

_In silent moments_

_Imagine you'd be here_

_All of my memories keep you near_

_Your silent whispers, silent tears_

Right?

What if I hesitate?

_Together in all these memories_

_I see your smile_

_All the memories I hold dear_

_Darling, you know I'll love you _

_Till the end of time_

_All of my memories keep you near_

_In silent moments_

_Imagine you'd be here_

_All of my memories keep you near _

_Your silent whispers, silent tears_

What if I wasn't strong enough?

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**A/N: It wasn't as long as I wanted it to be because I was in a rush. I hope you enjoy it. By the way, I have a few of the songs you might find on Adrian's IPod on my profile. Thanks for reviewing! :D**


	9. SOS Part One

**A/N: I got slammed with a bad case of writer's block, so I decided to publish what I have written so far. It's short but I didn't want to keep you waiting to long. The song is S.O.S (Anything But Love) BY Apocalyptica featuring Christina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil. All Disclaimers apply.**

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"_S.O.S. (Anything But Love)": Part One_

_Bound to your side and trapped in silence  
Just a possession  
Is this sex or only violence  
That feeds your obsession_

You send me to a broken state  
Where I can take the pain just long enough  
Then I am numb -t hen I just disappear

So go on infect me  
Go on and scare me to death  
Tell me I asked for it  
Tell me I'll never forget  
You could give me anything but love  
Anything but love

Red eyes bore into mine incriminatingly. They seemed to be accusing me, _this is _your _fault. It's because of you this happened to me._ I grasped handfuls of my hair as I looked through my tear soaked eyes. My friends sat propped against the concrete wall to my far left, unconscious. I cried weakly. _My fault . . . my fault . . . I'm so, so sorry . . . it's all my fault . . ._ he grabbed Christian by the throat and lifted him in to the air—his body dangling limply. He shook him once, violently. The sound of Christian's neck snapping reverberated of the walls of the warehouse we occupied. He tossed Christian's body—just an empty shell now—on the ground to his left; my right. The sound of Christian's neck snapping reverberated of the walls of the warehouse we occupied. He tossed Christian's body—just an empty shell now—on the ground to his left; my right.

I choked out a mangled cry, "Why?"

"Wouldn't want him setting me on fire," he replied.

He continued down the line—Miles, Eddie, Lissa. All the while, I was rooted to the floor—rendered utterly useless. Lastly, he grabbed Adrian. He said my other friends would die quickly, no pain, but Adrian would suffer. He wanted to make Adrian pay for _taking_ me away from him. Adrian, after all, was the reason I had refused his proposition. The reason I had defied him.

I cried harder and prayed to whoever would listen that Adrian wouldn't feel a thing. I wanted to save him, but I couldn't move. Why couldn't I _move_?

"Rose!" a familiar voice called from the opposite of the warehouse. I peeked out of the curtain of hair hanging in front my eyes. "Wake up, Rose! It's just a dream."

Adrian stood among the bodies of my friends. His face was stricken with horror as his eyes scanned the room and, finally, rested on his body in the grip of a strigoi. He rushed to my side and knelt on the ground next to me. He held onto my body.

"Why won't you change it? Please change it," I pleaded.

"I can't," he answered. "Your subconscious won't let me. _You _are keeping us here."

I choked back a sob.

"See, Rose, you bring pain and death to everyone around you," he said.

"No," I cried.

"Rose, take a deep breath. Relax. You can get us out of here," Adrian encouraged.

I shook my head feverishly. He brought his lips to "dream" Adrian's neck and bit down. I screamed and the "real" Adrian swore. I glanced at him—Adrian's eyes were closed and he looked as if he were resisting the urge to vomit. I looked back at the strigoi. He was going to drain Adrian, but not without toying with me first. I stood, slowly, on shaking legs. Adrian followed suit, his eyes questioning me. Dimitri took a long, translucent and jabbed his sharp nail into Adrian's cheek. I heard the real Adrian gulp loudly beside me. Dream Adrian yelled, his eyes snapping open like I had seen in so many horror movies. He looked at me pleadingly.

"Rose," dream Adrian whispered, his voice an almost inaudible rasp. "Rose, why won't you save me?"

"I'm _not_ strong enough. I'm so sorry." I started to crumble to the ground, but Adrian caught me. He forced my eyes away from Dimitri and to his own.

"Rose," he said calmly, "this is _not_ real. This is all just a dream. Take a deep breath."

I inhaled deeply as he smoothed his hands down the length of my arms. He was right. This was just a dream. Not real. My heart rate gradually began to return to normal—my breathing becoming more even. The morbid scene began to melt away replaced by a beautiful beach—my torn clothing replaced by a black bikini and jean shorts.

Adrian and I reclined back into the sand. I pressed my shaking body against his, buried my face in his chest, and wept. I wept for the people I loved that I couldn't save—I wept for Mason; I wept for Dimitri. And I cried for all of my friends who would die because of me. I sniffled loudly as my tears began to dry, leaving a sticky residue down my cheek. Adrian kissed my head and asked, "Are you alone right now?"

I nodded and replied, "We set up a temporary headquarters inside some small motel. Miles is in the next room."

"I want him to stay with you," Adrian said. "He can watch over with you when I can't. I'm going to speak with him. Get some sleep, Little Dhampir. You need your rest."

I frowned as the dream faded away and darkness took over leaving me alone in sleep.

I woke the next morning, the sun peeking through the thin white curtains, to a soft knocking on my room's door. I hugged the large comforter around my sweaty body and opened the door. Miles stood out in the hall holding a cup of coffee and bag of doughnuts in one hand and his duffle bag draped across his shoulder.

"Your boyfriend snuck a peak in my head last night. He told me you had an epic nightmare."

I nodded, softly, my head pounding.

"Don't worry, Rose," he said, "I'll be staying with you now. I'll look over you."

I mumbled a thank you and gulped the coffee down gratefully before getting into the shower.

The house was dark and creepy when we arrived about an hour later. Images of my last time here—the time Mason, Eddie, Christian, Mia, and I were captured—flicked through my mind mixed with the lingering images of my dream last night. I clenched my fists tightly and unclenched them. I repeated the movement to occupy my mind. I had to hold it together. My stomach was turning something terrible as I stood beside Miles glaring at the house. It was the middle of the day and the Guardians knew that house—they had searched it dozens of times after the "incident". There was no escape for them this time. Surely, Dimitri would know _that_.

So, why here?

We moved toward the house and a female Guardian I didn't recognize kicked in the door. I guess subtleties were no longer an option. We filed in quickly and immediately kicked into battle mode. There had to be at least thirty strigoi if not more in the living room alone. They clearly outnumbered our twenty. Miles and I were surrounded. We stood back-to-back and waited for them to make the first move.

But nothing happened.


End file.
